I went out to the basketball courts today… something I haven’t done consistently since 2023… and ended up talking through a realization I’ve been sitting with for a long time.

This year has been heavy. I’ve been silent, going inward, grieving the loss of my old life, my identity, and the things that fell apart all at once. But today I finally found the words for something I’ve felt for months:

Some people grieve the idealization of a life.
Some people grieve the actual person.

In this stream, I talk about:

• The difference between grieving an ideal vs. grieving reality
• Why truth in relationships is always somewhere in the middle
• Losing my job, losing stability, and rebuilding from the lowest point
• How my identity has been “deconstructed and eroded”
• Trying to find balance, perspective, and meaning
• Returning to basketball to reconnect with myself

As I said in the stream: “I’m definitely grieving the reality, the person, the thing.”

If you’re in a valley season, maybe this helps you feel less alone.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:00 — At the basketball courts again
00:20 — Why I’ve been silent this year
00:55 — Realization: grieving ideals vs. grieving the person
01:40 — Truth, perspective, and trying to balance the scales
02:30 — Job analogy: expectations vs. reality
03:20 — My own grief and what I’m actually grieving
04:10 — Losing my job, identity erosion, and hitting a low point
05:00 — Therapy, manic energy, and reaching out to family
06:00 — Unemployment, the job market, and life uncertainty
07:00 — YouTube, old channels, and figuring out what’s next
08:00 — Getting back to basketball & trying to reset my mind
09:30 — Wrapping up and heading back to shoot hoops